


Guilty Conscience

by whoms_account_be_this



Category: Degrassi
Genre: gay male author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoms_account_be_this/pseuds/whoms_account_be_this
Summary: Miles processes his thoughts after 3x08.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I normally refuse to post things under 1k words, but this had to do for the topic.

**Guilty Conscience**

Things were going great. Okay, that was a lie if Miles ever told one. Things hadn't gone great in a long time, though things were looking up with Tristan's recovery. Miles was happy in many ways, with Lola only a minor concern in his mind.

That's why it hit like a bombshell when Frankie told him about her abortion. Lola wasn't a minor concern, though he had treated her like one. He had ignored her through a hard time. The look on her face said it all. Her eyes were resolute, calm, certain. She didn't hate him, but she knew that he hadn't been there for her.

His heart was still in his stomach when he made it home from school and flopped himself into bed. He felt sick and wanted to die, and his stomach felt worse than that time he had eaten seven tacos and half of Tristan's portion of the cake. He couldn't even remember the event that had taken place at, only the pain in his stomach and how utterly worse the feeling he had now was. All he could think about was Lola, alone and betrayed, getting an abortion.

It wasn't the first time this year that Miles wanted to die, but after Tristan started to recover, he thought it was past. Now it was back in full force. He just couldn't get the thought of Lola in a sterile hospital room, crying about a baby that she couldn't keep and having no one to share the pain with.

"To celebrate Lola's bravery. The whole point of the video was to own it. You should check it out."

He fumbled for his phone, though he could barely keep his hands straight. He wasn't crying - he was all cried out for months. Guilt ate at him at him painfully. With Tristan, it was a dull nibble that tore its way into his heart. With Lola… it was like a fire that was burning him alive. Hot and angry and everything he deserved.

He had used her without intending, then thrown her aside at the first sign of struggle. He heard the whispers at school that he had done that to Tristan, but he knew they were wrong. But with Lola, he had no one to call him out but himself. It's not as if she would ever talk to him again.

He couldn't shake the image from his mind. The one where she looked at him as he realized. A look that said she was done with him. Or the one that morning as she asked for help and he told her no…

He slammed his fist down in anger. He screwed up hard. There was no coming back from this. All he could do now was suffer.

It wasn't hard to find the video. He had heard murmurs about the big All Inclusive video and the "slut" that everyone was talking about. Now he knew the full story, and in some indirect way it was all his fault. He clenched his fist, ready to deck anyone who wanted to bring it up.

The easy way out would have been to force himself to forget, but he didn't want that. Lola deserved better than that, even if she were strong enough without him.

The video played.

"Yesterday, I was pregnant, and now I'm not. And I'd like to talk about it."

In this way, he would be there with her. It was literally the least he could do.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It was a great decision for the TV not to focus on Miles for this - honestly, you would expect it from their typical Miles favor. And while it is good that they focused on Lola, it is important to note that Miles had pain too. This fic is processing that as Miles deals with his guilt and the worst that he can imagine.


End file.
